It’s Goddamn Chicken

Living on this planet is, as you may or may not have noticed, a bitter sweet endeavor.  Only a month after physicists discovered the particle responsible for holding all matter together, three mayors of major cities went on the record to join one the dumbest issues we have faced in the modern world; stepping well beyond their authority to claim they’ll block a chain restaurant from opening branches in their cities because the CEO of that chain said something ridiculous involving homosexuals and his imaginary friend.

I keep up on current events completely against my will.  Since I work late nights I need to get most of my drinking in between 4:00am and 7:00am and how late I sleep depends entirely on how well nourished I was before getting home.  I then wake up groggy and unable to suitably process information that comes to me for at least a few hours.  So when I see a Facebook post or Reddit link relaying the latest happenings in the world, I tend to only partially absorb said information.  It’s not until much later when seeing a headline about the whole country losing its mind over a fast food chain that I think back and realize that that shit actually happened.  

Okay, so I’ll clarify and offer some perspective if I can.  Chick Fil A CEO Dan Cathy, in what seemed a response to every important corporation in the country coming out in support of gay marriage, made his stance known by quoting the bible and condemning the idea of gays taking part in a sacred institution that involves merging property by selling off female offspring… or something.  Immediately thereafter, every media outlet picked up on it and millions of pro-gay Americans took to the internet to decry Cathy’s statements using various devices that were made by foreign children with no fingers and who if they happen to get a toothache, will most likely die.  Forty seconds after I tired of hearing about the evils of Chick Fil A(which was forty seconds after I heard about it in the first place), my friends were kind enough to post information about several other companies whose CEOs have varying degrees of conservative positions.  The president of Domino’s Pizza is pro-life, the marketing director for Depends briefly hesitated before punching Ann Coulter in the nose, whatever.  After 24 hours of this, I was left wishing my liberal friends, who I agree with on this and many other issues, would devote their time and sweatshop made smartphones to something more productive.  We’re winning, don’t let’s give fuel to the other side.

But it gets worse.  In what can only be a gesture in “not to be outdone” by staggeringly senseless bullshit, conservatives on Wednesday decided to head down to Chick Fil A in droves to show their hatred for queers.  That’s right, thousands of people stood in line for hours in order to purchase a hunk of breast meat filled with antibiotics and deep fried, for the sole purpose of keeping two people who are in love from being able to share benefits or visit each other in the hospital. 

Personally, I have joined in on this boycott.  But to be honest, I have never eaten at Chick Fil A, don’t know where any are, and really had never heard of the company before this whole shit storm began.  I just hope that the Jameson distillery doesn’t decide to support One Million Moms.    

-Scott

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