Month: March 2016

Conversation That Must Have Happened Leading Up to Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Exec 1: So, how do we want this to go?

Exec 2: Let’s have Doomsday in it even though it’s only the second movie with Superman.
Zach Snyder: Oh, speaking of Superman, let’s have Batman be in it. And have him in it more, but also, let’s make Superman more, I don’t know, Batmany? Like, you know how he was all dark and brooding like Batman in the last one, I’m going to do way more of that.
Exec 1: The feminists are up our asses by the way, so we need to have the obligatory chick hero. Which one should we have in the movie.
Exec 2: It literally doesn’t matter in the least.

After a period of throwing out female super hero names, three of which were Marvel characters and one was just a random girl’s name, they finally decide.

Exec 1: Fuck it, Wonder-Woman. What should we have her do?
Exex 2: Be there.
Exec 1: That’s it?
Exec 2: What else do we need? We already have Lois Lane looking like she’s trying to help in order to work her into situations where Superman needs to save her.
Zach Snyder: Gentlemen, I got it! Let’s have her be hot too.
Exec 1: There and hot! Zach, you’re a genius? Can we sneak in some side boob?
Zach Snyder: Better. Under-butt.
Exec 2: Okay looks like we got ourselves the making of a franchise. Should we give each one a movie and then do Justice League, or just awkwardly wrench the other heroes into this story in a way that makes no sense and drags out the already bloated plot?
Zach Snyder: The second one.
Exec 1: Brilliant. Zach, make it happen. We’re so lucky we snatched you up after you adapted that brilliant comic from the 1980’s gutted everything that made it great and puked it into the world. You really know how to cater to your corporate overlords. We said “less interesting social commentary and more tits and blue dick” and by god, Zach, you made it happen.
Exec 2: Damn right. So, Batman v Super Batman: Featuring hot lady-hero! Let’s make a fucking movie!